This is how you know the Western Conference has reached a new level of absurd, unquantifiable level of difficulty: LeBron James joined the Los Angeles Lakers, and the yellow and gold are projected to finish somewhere in the middle of the standings. 

Teams have reacted in varying ways to the King’s arrival: the Golden State Warriors signed Boogie Cousins to create a truly evil empire. The Houston Rockets signed Carmelo Anthony. The Oklahoma City Thunder got rid of Carmelo Anthony (see what I did there?). The Utah Jazz are riding existing momentum, as are the Portland Trailblazers.

And the Minnesota Timberwolves, under the, um, consistent watch of the indomitable Tom Thibodeau . . . have decided to reconstruct the 2013-2014 Chicago Bulls.

Derrick Rose? Check. Taj Gibson? You bet. Jimmy Butler? Of course check! Luol Deng? Now, officially, check. 

There are many Timberbulls jokes, and since Deng’s one-year contract pretty much everyone has covered the hilarity that is this roster: SB Nation and Deadspin and everyone in between, and there’s also this guy at the Minneapolis Star Tribune who is clearly very salty about all the jokes and thinks that the Timberbulls are for sure going to wreck the West. 

And there’s some reason for optimism: the collection of old Bulls is mostly about rounding out the roster with some decent depth and less about those players playing crucial roles (I think) — aside from Jimmy Butler, of course. But the old Bulls plus Andrew Wiggins and Karl-Anthony Towns sounds pretty good, I guess.

Thibodeau, though, doesn’t have the greatest track record as a head coach in the postseason, and everyone knows why: he runs his players very, very hard. He’s like the opposite of Gregg Popovich in minutes conservation. 

A Thibodeau head-coached team has only gotten past the conference semifinals once — and that was the 2010-2011 season, when the Dallas Mavericks (!) won the title. Getting Minnesota to the postseason for the first time in exactly 300 years is great and all, but Thibodeau is going to have to show something he hasn’t if he wants to make noise in this chamber of destruction. 

Now, onto the Kerfuffle sections.

1. Who Will Win The Title?

The Golden State Warriors. 

2. Luka Doncic Watch

I grew up in Dallas. I live in Austin. And although for many years I attached myself to the Oklahoma City Thunder — my parents both went to UT, whence Kevin Durant fandom, whence Thunder fandom — when KD left for the Bay, I decided it’d be best to wander home. The fact that Dallas has been relatively terrible for the last few years only strengthened my case, as I could evade the accusation of jumping on the bandwagon.

In June, though, the Mavs traded for Luka Doncic in a pretty gutsy move. And the whole situation appears to be vibing pretty good:

1 year later, Doncic’s new teammate Dirk Nowitzki — the best European player of all time — says stuff like this:

“He's unbelievable in pick and roll play. His court vision is already unbelievable. I couldn't believe what I saw from a 19/20-year-old”https://t.co/34AmMqfX2p

— Austin Green (@LosCrossovers) September 12, 2018

"Off of what I've seen over the last two days," Carlisle said last week, "anybody who doesn't jump on season tickets now is going to sorely regret it later, that's all I'll say." https://t.co/8QYeWpcpl8

— Austin Green (@LosCrossovers) September 9, 2018

I love this quote from J.J. Barea on Luka Doncic in @ESefko’s latest piece pic.twitter.com/NP9JVeS5du

— Isaac Harris (@IsaacLHarris) September 9, 2018

3. Things Ranked With No Explanation

4. Get Off My Parquet, As Told By Adam Oestreich

By Adam Oestrich, of course

The NBA season is a month away. A lot has happened since the Golden State Warriors won their third Championship in four years. LeBron James opened up a school, Charles Oakley is allegedly cheating in Vegas card games, and the NFL football season is underway.

It was an incredible offseason that almost seems like a lifetime ago, so before you head to an NBA opening night watch party with your friends, brush up on some of the bigger things that did or did not happen this offseason.

The big things:

• Kawhi Leonard is a Toronto Raptor
• Boogie Cousins is a Golden State Warrior
• Carmelo Anthony is a Houston Rocket
• DeAndre Jordan is a Dallas Maverick
• And of course, Lebron James is in Los Angeles, as a Laker

Speaking of the Lakers, don’t forget about “The Meme Team”:

• Rajon Rondo
• Javale McGee
• Lance Stephenson
• And why not throw in Michael Beasley?

A few things that may have gone under the radar:

• Tony Parker is on the Charlotte Hornets
• Dwight Howard is on the Washington Wizards
• Jabari Parker is on the Chicago Bulls
• Tyreke Evans is on the Indiana Pacers
• And Isaiah Thomas went from being an MVP candidate to now having to play for the Orlando Magic

Also, THESE GUYS ARE STILL IN THE LEAGUE!:

• 41-year-old Vince Carter, now an Atlanta Hawk
• 40-year-old Dirk Nowitzki, still a Dallas Maverick
• 38-year-old Udonis Haslem, with the Miami Heat probably?
• And 35-year-old Emeka Okafor is returning from a five-year vacation to back up Anthony Davis and the Pelicans

Speaking of still in the league, these guys finally retired even though I thought they were out of the league for years:

• Nick Collison
• Roy Hibbert
• Boris Diaw
• And Dikembe Mutombo (nah, just kidding, he’s been retired for a while now)

Things that still haven't happened:

The Golden State Warriors have not yet won the 2018-2019 NBA title.